UNH Today

It’s the most wonderful time of the year for some, but for others, the holidays can be challenging. Instead of a time of joy and celebration, the season can be a source of sadness and depression, especially if they are missing a loved one or find themselves alone. Katie Godshall, a clinical assistant professor in social work and expert in the field of mental health, says the first step is to realize that these feelings are perfectly normal.

“It’s important to know that it’s OK to not feel festive during this season, everyone has their own stressors,” said Godshall. “The holidays are a time of connecting with family, friends and cherished memories and if you’re coping with loss or loneliness it can be significantly more difficult to feel joyful. It’s important to remember to be kind to yourself, look for a little help and try to find some comfort.”

The holidays are often romanticized with expectations of being together and not everyone feels that way so it can set people up for failure — especially for those who may be dealing with financial or family strains. There may be guilt around not feeling jolly and that can lead to even more isolation. 

“Shame is such a universal experience and yet it is so isolating,” said Godshall. “It’s easy to question yourself. What’s wrong with me? Should I be feeling this way? Trying to be aware, be active and communicate your feelings can help normalize the situation.”

Godshall offers some basic tips to help beat the blues or comfort a loved one who may be struggling this holiday:

GET OUT AND ABOUT

• Take a walk — exercise can help stimulate endorphins, which are often called the feel good hormones. Even a short walk can make you feel energized.
• Volunteer — getting involved can boost your mood and help others who may be struggling during the season.
• Call a friend — reach out to someone you know you can talk to. Invite them to coffee. If they live long distance send them an email or even a holiday card.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

• Accept your emotions — remember you are not alone. Many people experience sadness and feelings of loss. If you’re missing a loved one, celebrate them — make a family dish, watch a favorite movie or continue a tradition like cutting down a tree.
• Self-care — it’s not just about bubble baths and manicures. Making the bed or doing the dishes can give a sense of taking back control.
• Everything in moderation — beware of triggers like alcohol which is a depressant and can interfere with sleep cycles. Switch to sparkling water or try a mocktail.
• Breathe — to help with white knuckle or jaw clenching moments of stress or anxiety, take a deep breath and slowly exhaling repeating several times.
• Embrace your senses — focusing on sights, sounds and smells, like the cold air on a walk or the taste and smell of hot cocoa, can help ground the body.

The holidays can trigger a range of emotions — grief, loss, loneliness, anxiety, depression — that can come and go, or linger the entire season. Godshall reminds that it’s important to also keep an eye on those around us — family, friends, neighbors, co-workers and even children. Remember to check in and make time for them.

HELP OTHERS STRUGGLING DURING THE HOLIDAYS

• Stay in touch — call, drop by with coffee, email them.
• Be honest — tell them you can see they are having a hard time; ask how they’re doing.
• Offer to help — busy families or seniors who may be alone may need help decorating, shopping, cooking, getting to church services or events. 
• Be there — make space and be a supportive listener. Reach out and encourage them to talk about feelings and concerns. Imagine being in their shoes to help understand.
• Encourage them to talk with a professional — if you suspect depression or anxiety in someone, remind them it can be a treatable medical illness.
• Warning signs of depression — sadness that lingers, loss of interest in doing anything, changes in appetite or weight, frequent crying, decreased energy, increased fatigue or trouble concentrating.

If someone expresses thoughts of suicide, dial 988 for the National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.